The here and now

This is a key term in many forms of psychotherapy as well as meditation practices...the here and now. People believe this is the only true time and I find myself agreeing with it. So the story goes, one should live in the here and now and be conscious of one's life experiences.
But (like all stories there is a but, otherwise life will be easy and boring) ... What if you don't know what you want? What if you are too glued to the past? What if... what if...what if... (underlying assumptions- defence). The truth is, even though i meditate, even though i am studying to be a mental health professional, even though i am an extrovert positive person, I have absolutely no clue what is going on in my head.
Hello, this is milky spirit and i am the blind leading the blind. So i am thinking, how do blind people find their way? They use their other senses, especially touch. Ok, so step one is to get in touch. I have been a passive observer of my life so far, is time i start processing what i am taking in. I have so many good things going on in my life, i might as well try to make use of them. It seems that I am moving on in terms of studies, housing and others but emotionally? How will i get in touch with my emotions? What if i touch the fire and burn? Is easier falling back in fantasies and memories of the past but the past is not the true time.
Next option: i take a deep breath, push everything under the carpet and believe that the carpet is magic enough to make things disappear and then i can sit on it and fly away into happiness with Aladdin and his lamp. Nope future is not here yet and it will not come on its own. How can i shape my future if there are no bases put in the present? Happiness and life is the result of many tiny baby steps.
Back to reality milky dear, this is the present. If you live in the past or in the future, not only you miss out on the present but also neither past or future ever comes up. So i will live my life, i make the decision i am packing my thoughts and feelings and move in to the present. Time to unpack, but again i can't make up my mind about what is that i am taking out of the luggage.
Who do i want to be with? Anyone i already know? Well, according to the here and now, the answer is none! No i do not want ghosts A & B, yes is ok to be feeling down because unless i get low i can never come up. Plus, if i screw it all up now with idiot A and B i will miss out on brilliant C in the future.
Am i on the right track in terms of career? Well, here and now: there is no career, is just studies and empty wallet. Am i happy? well, yeah i think so, i mean no money is a huge issue but doing the same thing everyday until i'm 63 is even more petrifying
Friendswise? there is an answer i know, i am doing great, enough variety to go to rock concerts as well as zoo (not in limassol and ok last time i was in that club was 2004).
I see friends getting married - huge decisions for me, glad i don't have to take it now.
So is my here and now the same as my environment? Come on, do all people have the same reality? hahaha i guess my here and now is not so scary after all. It seems that the past or the future are far more scarier. So why choose to live there? because hell is more familiar than paradise?
My here and now then...it sounds nice, is like moving to a new house all mine :) I can decorate it in any way i want and let the ones i want enter inside and hang out. My here and now somehow has stronger smells, warmer nights and cool mornings, it has the perfect taste and the best song for each moment. I am consciously taking all in and not just passively moving around. Even knowing that you know nothing feels so lively, emotions bad or good all welcome, to feel is to live! i am conscious and my senses are alive.
And you know what? It starts to get brighter little by little every day...
I'm taking the blindfolds off now...
"One fine day i will be flying away, but just right now: I jump in the water touroutoutou" - Locomondo