Addictions

I am a woman of many addictions. My friends will tell you about how much i like my cigarettes, coffee and chocolate everyday or else! I am a huuuge advocate of free will as long as it harms no others. Now you will tell me why do you smoke when passive smokers can also get cancer from your smoke...well if u are a man with a car or use any kind of fuel engined transportation SHUT UP! They are far worse than a cute gold slim cigarette!
What I would like to talk about though are the harder and more vice addictions (not blogging even worse) that do not directly refer to substances (unless u drink/ smoke/ whatever to forget). I am referring to the addiction that we carry on having toxic people. I can see a few friends of mine as well as my self getting addicted on the presence of toxic people that treat us bad. This addiction is being fed by illusions that others can magically change into the ideal picture that we hold in our heads but trust me 99,9% of the time does not come real. I love to hate Freud and I hate loving him but he was true at this point: denial as well as the other defense mechanisms (i.e. distortion and disillusion projection) have a party in our psychic mind especially in regards to matters of the heart.
And I ask, would u rather give up smoking or toxic people? At this question one of my most anti-smocking advocate friend actually froze. We tend to believe that we have more control over the substances we intake rather than the feelings we have about other people. Truth is both substances and people are objects of our desires. Both kinds of addictions are hard to shake off. We can advice others to quit something because is soooo obvious that it is wrong but when it comes to us, we can produce thousands of excuses like: but u don't know him/her like I do, he/she is the only who really cared about me and i know deep down he/she still does, he/she is having such a hard time (em, yeah probably for 99% of the time u know the person) -i cannot possibly go now! Sadly, the object of our affection will continue to harm us as long as we let it do so (most of the times we actually encourage that) One difference though between being addicted to a substance and to be addicted to a toxic person is that the person knows what to tell you and will fight to keep you there should he/she enjoy certain extra benefits from u. This need of you though by the toxic person should NOT be confused and translated into love, friendship, appreciation when they are not really that. I used to feel bad letting go of toxic people and to feel immense guilt, a feeling that cigarette will never give me because i left it alone to burn (unless i live in the UK, man they cost there).
However, if the person is really toxic, in less than a week i feel so free and happy and liberated. When you are involved with someone in your personal life you are not their psychologist/ doctor/ nurse/ prostitue/ punch pack. You are another human being with the same rights as the other person in the relationship. If someone is not toxic but really likes you will never ask you to give up ur rights, instead he/she will remind you of them.
However, thinking that we cannot go all blue. This means that like trying to quit a cigarette we can turn to the appropiate people to help us. In order to do so and succeed there are two major primary requirements: a) acknowledge the problem and b) actually and sincerely wanting to let go!
Our friends can help us take advantage of the good opportunities that may arise so that we move on. I believe that when we make a true and pure decision in a beneficial way the universe will present us with both all the good things we need to do so as well as one hard test to see whether we are ready to take the step. Usually, we take the test as a sign that we are not ready thus excusing our choice not to move on. The circle of negative pattern shall close when we really want to. BUT there is no excuse in treating badly all those who really love you and are close to you urging you to move on just because they can see that a situation is bad for you. Of course you will not like what you hear. Deep down you also know that ur true friends are right. We think that if the person goes we will lose them for good. Truth is if they are toxic we don't really have them anyway. Toxic people are too self involved to actually think about taking care of you. Their problems is no excuse in treating you badly. There are better ways to tell another person that you are going through a bad time than to say u r frigile or you know you are bad but cannot help it and demand special treatment.
So, before you go on and say "I have no addictions" look closer and be honest about your relationships. Put down on a list the benefits and the negatives and how often/ long they occur. Moreover, put down the ACTUAL times these good things occurred in reality. Forget that you can see the person's potentials. Unless that person him/herself sees their own potentials and actually want to achieve them you can do nothing and no they are not that ideal person you have in your head!
Lastly, I thank God for my good friends that hold my hands through the withdrawal symptoms when letting toxic people go. They don't last so long as you may imagine. And I continue now free to fly on my magic carpet smoking my tobacco :) puff puff

PS> Exclude diagnosed addictions such as alcoholism and drugs abuse from the lightness of my blog. Please keep in mind that they are a serious matter and devastating effects.